CRYING CHECKLIST FOR TODDLERS
If your toddler is crying, he has his reasons. He does not have enough words to explain this to you very well. So you need to respect his distress, and understand that crying is a completely acceptable way for him to communicate with you. There is NO REASON to “punish” for crying!!!!
Your toddler is beginning to use crying as a means to obtain what she “wants,” beyond just what she “needs.” That's not all a bad thing. She has learned so much, and she knows so much more about what she wants! That’s good!
But what if you can't figure it out, and he WON'T STOP CRYING?
Take 2 deep breaths. Keep steady and gentle. Let’s go through the checklist!
1.Is she hungry or thirsty? Even if you think not, offer some food, milk, or juice and see if that helps. If she has been crying for a while, she may have dropped her blood sugar and be unable to stop without something nourishing.
2.Is he over tired? This is likely. It’s also quite difficult to get him to settle down and unwind. If this is the problem, you will need to rock him for a while, and it might take some time. So go ahead down the list and check all the other things first.
3.Is she in pain? She may have hurt herself. She may have an itch. She might have a headache or tummy ache. Check her over fairly completely. Explain why you are doing this. Say, “Does anything hurt? Let’s check.” Name each body part as you look at it, and if you are very lucky, she might think this is sort of fun and calm down.
4.Is he sick? Check the temperature. It’s pretty safe to give an age appropriate dose of acetaminophen, if your instinct tells you he is getting sick. (ibuprofen is a bit less safe; it can mask serious symptoms that might be developing.)
5.If you can find nothing at all, you are back to number two, he is probably just tired and upset! And, he is way past the point of being able to calm himself down. YOU must keep calm and try to calm him down. Cuddle him gently. Try something he likes, such as rocking him, or sitting down and watching a kid video together.
6.If none of that has worked after 20 minutes, then place her in her bed with a video or some toys, go in another room, and have a snack yourself. It’s possible you both simply need a break from each other. Set a timer for 15 more minutes.
7.If she is still crying, something is wrong, and you need help! Don’t hurt your child! Call someone for advice, if there is someone you can call. If not, secure her in the car seat and drive to the nearest Urgent Care Center. It doesn’t matter why she is crying; just don’t hurt her, and let someone else figure it out!
As soon as you can, come back and read through this EXAMPLE about Rosalia and Manny. When Rosalia was a young mother, she often played with Manny, her first child. But Manny never wanted to stop playing and go do something different, such as have a bath! Rosa dreaded these transition times. Rosa learned to think "READY-SET-GO GENTLY" in her own mind. Then she was READY, even if Manny screamed. She would do a SET by telling him calmly: “We are going to do your bath now.” If he started to cry, Rosa’s GO GENTLY was to simply carry him to the bathtub. Manny didn’t get any extra attention or reward for crying. The same thing happened whether he cried or not. Every time, Manny was soon playing happily in the tub! Slowly, Manny learned to change from one thing to another without screaming.
If Rosa had tried to “punish” Manny for crying, or if she had played with him longer when he cried, either of those choices would have given him extra attention. It would have been attention for exactly the wrong reasons. Children this age enjoy attention! Crying for no good reason should get ZERO attention.
Even when the parent manages crying episodes well, as Rosa did, nearly every toddler will try out the TEMPER TANTRUM. He or she will happen upon the idea that a screaming fit is an appropriate response to being told “No.” This must be ignored! Simply proceed as though this screaming fit never happened. That is a pretty big GO GENTLY on your part, because your natural response is to try to “do something” about it! But If you are truly good at ignoring a temper tantrum, your child probably will give up on them soon. Pitching a tantrum is a lot of work if there is no point to it.
You can decrease crying episodes at this age if you consistently reward your child for the use of words. When your child uses a word, rather than screaming, respond quickly, even if it is not always convenient. WORDS SHOULD GET MORE RESULTS THAN CRYING FITS! That’s part of your READY. And, as always, call your pediatrician if you think something is truly wrong.